why i am not a "with-holder"
The difference between being a "with-holder" and protecting yourself. First of all, for those of you who haven't been called this or have been told not to be a "withholder", a "withholder" is someone who is withholding love and affection. For example, if you and your spouse get into an argument and right before bed they tell you they love you and you don't respond, you are withholding love. If your mom goes to give you a hug and you just stand there with your arms limp and don't hug her back, you are withholding affection.
Okay, so growing up this was a term my family frickin' lived for! It was like the damn scarlet letter of my family. Worst part is, my family was the type that if you did something wrong and got in trouble the whole family knew about it by the week's end.
Point being, I was raised to above all else not withhold love. Period.
Fast forward to 23 year old Harley, I still have this hanging over my head. But it gets used in a different way now. See, I don't associate with different people in my family anymore for one reason or another. Therefor when I get Snapchats or texts from them, I don't respond. I still get called a "withholder", but it isn't because I am withholding love, it is because I'm protecting myself. I'm not not responding in an effort to hurt the feelings of those people, I am keeping a distance because they are not positive aspects of my life. If you had someone who was a friend at one time, but lied, manipulated you, and said bad things about you, you wouldn't keep them as a friend right? Well same principal applies. Yes, I know you can't just not be friends with family, but that doesn't mean you have to subject yourself to their bullshit. I chose me. I chose to not do "what I'm supposed to" by societies standards, I chose to walk away and stay away from those who don't deserve me. I chose to not stick around for the next malicious verbal beating.
I could get more into my family drama, hell one day I might. Tonight isn't that night. But I did want to clear that up. You are allowed to bow out gracefully from a relationship that is no longer mentally or emotionally healthy. It is not okay to withhold love from someone you love just because they did or said something you didn't like. Know the difference, and stick to your convictions.
**For those back reading, do me a favor, next time you post on Instagram, use the hashtag #myunfilteredeveryday. I want to see who all is back, because I sure as hell am!**
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