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Just a MILLENNIAL trying to navigate ADULTHOOD 

Why it's okay to go out without your spouse

11/14/2018

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Yeah, I'm going there tonight. I feel that people have strong opinions about this, either way you slice the cake. Some are all for doing the guys/girls night or they are totally against it, and you are for sure going to Hell for it. I myself think its great! Unpopular opinion albeit may, I just think that if you spend all your time with our spouse, you can forget who you were before them. Before Stephen, I was working and going to school full time, I was casually dating here and there, and I had girl friends that I hung out with whenever I wanted. Now, literally the only thing that has changed is the dating part... obviously. Stephen before me would get off work on a Friday and go hunting and hang out with his friends every weekend. We had lives and friends before we had one another and that life we had molded us into the people we are now.

I think it's perfectly healthy to go out with your friends for a night of drinks (or whatever) and fun. No one says that just because you are going out without your significant other that you are going to cheat, or do something that would upset them. I'm not sure if it is generational or if it is just the norm, but I think it's really odd that girls who go out with their girlfriends get talked badly about. I mean really, I go out with a girlfriend for a few drinks at a bar, and the next week there is a rumor going around that I'm cheating on my husband with my ex boyfriend from like 6 years ago (true story). If a guy goes out alone, then he must be trying to hook up with some other girl, or they just broke up. Are we really that simple minded.

Some argue that it's a respect thing, and to that I say, we'll if I'm not doing anything to disrespect my husband or marriage, why do we have to be joined at the hip? I am an adult and sometimes I need my space. I love my husband, but just like when you spend too much time with your siblings, and you start to just get annoyed at them for chewing "too loud" (also true story), the same goes for your spouse. The sun does not set in their ass every waking moment of the day. Trust me, Stephen is a great guy, and I am so lucky that I get to spend the rest of my life with him, but that doesn't mean I want to spend every day with him.

When you go out and get a little buzz, one of two things happen, you drunk text the guy you are sleeping with, or if you just broke up with someone you text them. Well guess who I text! You got it! The guy I'm sleeping with! I'll tell you what the best thing ever is, going out for a girls night, sexy texting your husband after the third glass of wine, finally getting home, having him take you to McDonald's, and curling up in bed knowing damn well he is going to play nurse the next day because you will be hung over as shit. It rocks. I don't want to go home with anyone else but my husband, because lets be honest, I get annoyed with drunk me, and I finally found a man who puts up with that bitch, I'm keeping that crazy man!

Bottom line guys, is spending your life with someone is the most amazing thing you can do. Finding someone who you want to commit your entire self to is beautiful. But at the end of the day, you cannot argue that having a sense of independence is crucial to making a relationship work. You don't want to always be waiting around for someone to get off work so you can have some interaction, make your own friends, and live a life that is full.
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red or blue? right or left?

11/12/2018

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​So I was at the dreaded Wal- Mart the other week and I had something interesting (to me) happen. I was in the check out line and to paint the picture for you there was one woman in front of me, and by her accent it was obvious that she was from somewhere in the UK. For the sake of the story we will just call her cat lady. She also had copious amounts of wet cat food, but I don't suppose that is too important to the story... just odd. There were two young girls that were checking out customers, one was training. Lets call them trainee and trainer. 

I had just gotten off a 10 hour shift and was tired as hell, so I just waited in line and played on my phone. I am a bid of a nosey nora so I was eavesdropping a little on their conversation, I couldn't make out most of it but I did catch the ass end, and it was glorious... pun intended. 

So I'm standing there looking at my phone and notice that the conversation in front of me goes silent, like an awkward silent. Then all of a sudden the cat lady says loud as hell, "What do you think of that Trump?! Isn't he the worst?!" I perked up really quick, not just because of what was said but because you really have no idea how loud this woman was. 
The two girls at the check out were just like "Yeah, oh my God, the worst!", "He's been the worst president ever!" There were a few other things said, but you get the point, right? I made eye contact with the check out girl, unintentionally, but still happened. 

Cat lady finished checking out and guess what, she forgot to get more wet cat food. So she tried to go back through the line, I was polite but asked her to go the other way because there was a line and that was rude. I walk up to the check out counter and the check out girl I made eye contact with said hello to me in the oddest way, it was almost like she was talking to a wounded deer. I think she was concerned that I was going to say something. Or at least that's the vibe I got. 

I was nice, asked how they were and made small talk about how amazed they were by the woman who checked out before me and her accent. Anti-climactic right? I could tell you more about our conversation but it would change the way you might think about the two check out girls and for the point I want to make that wont help.
The point I want to make is that 4 years ago I would have gotten offended to hell and back and I may have even said something. I guess now is the time were I tell you I am a Republican. 
Now, I could have gotten upset and offended and told them all the facts to back why I disagree, but I didn't. I didn't feel it was necessary. Me getting upset wouldn't change their minds, but why could I need to change their minds? Why is it that we feel the need to change the opposing side's mind all the time? 

I don't think that it's important to me to discuss political opinions any more because well I figure it just feeds into the ignorance. Just because my opinion is different from someone else's doesn't make me right or them wrong. It makes us different. If I'm being honest, I think it's healthy to surround yourself with those of differing opinions, successes, backgrounds, and educational statuses. When you can have a conversation about differing opinions it can open you up to things, ideas, and facts that you may not have been aware of. I feel that if you can open yourself up to being comfortable in your own to not just listen but to absorb someone else's truth, you grow as an adult. I am almost 24, and I know that I still have growing to do, so next time you meet someone who disagrees with your opinion, don't get upset about it. They are allowed to not agree with you. Politics can be heated to say the least, it's important to our lives as Americans, but they don't have to be an argument all the time. That's my thoughts on that. 

Sorry for the ridiculously long blog, but it was a big thought!


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are you allowed to be friends with a friend's ex?

11/12/2018

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Are you allowed to be friends with a friend's ex?

I had a situation happen some time ago and I wanted to talk about it. I am going to change names in order to keep these peoples' lives private & "try" not to piss anyone off. 
***This post's point is not about the friendship- it's about the the things leading up to this***

So I had this friend- lets call her Tina. Now, Tina and I hadn't been friends long. We met back in October of 2017. She and I hit it off fairly quick, but we weren't what you would call "best friends". We hung out most weekends for about a month and a half and got super close, but the friendship didn't have any real substance. We just went out to the bar and drank and went on double dates. I mean don't get me wrong, this girl is cool as shit! But she has a best friend already and I was cool with knowing that we were never going to be super close. 

Tina had a boyfriend- lets call him Conner. I had never met Conner until Tina. We didn't have any mutual friends or anything like that. I only knew him through Tina. So like I said earlier- Tina and I would double date often. Well my husband and Conner hit it off. They became friends pretty fast and it was nice to see my husband make a new friend. And I thought Conner was pretty cool too. 

Fast forward a few months later and Tina and Conner broke up. Now I wont go into detail of what happened, but we all know the saying; "There is 3 sides to every story- his, hers, and the truth". I just stayed out of it because at that point I was friends with both of them and I really didn't want to be mean to either  of them. I stayed friends with Tina for maybe another month...

One night Conner ended up hanging out with us. Tina and myself were drunk this night and got into a disagreement about a pretty touchy subject (to me). I didn't think anything of it the next day, because we were both drunk and it was small. If anyone should have been upset however it should have been me, because like I said- this was a crazy touchy subject that she brought up *in MY house I might add* & I tried to end the conversation plenty of times but she  kept going. I am not saying however that she isn't entitled to her feelings- because she is!

Next few weeks go by and I don't really hear from her- I text her a few times but it's like pulling teeth to get her to respond. Then one day I see her (won't say how- because I don't want anyone knowing who this is) and she made a pretty snarky comment that I'm sure she didn't think I heard... but hey, I did.
I get that fights can be awkward after the fact- but I didn't know that there was a problem- she wouldn't communicate. I am 23 years old, married, and living a fricken adult life; I don't have time for pettiness on that level. If she had just been honest and was like, "hey you pissed me off", I would have been more than happy to talk about it and work it out. I can't fix what I don't know! But unfortunately that's not what happened.

Again, this girl is awesome! She means well, she is kind, and thoughtful. Just an all around good person- it just didn't work out for us to be close any more. I think people are in our lives for a reason. I think we did something for one another & once that was fulfilled, life changed the game. 

So back to the ex. He and my husband were friends & honestly Stephen missed hanging out with this guy. So, is it so wrong to want to be friends with this ex of an ex friend? I don't want to do it out of malice; it's more so because we all got along so well. I don't know. ​
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i didn't wear a bra today

11/12/2018

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If you came here from Instagram or Facebook you already know what I am about to talk about. If not, well, I your about to find out. 
I didn't wear a bra today. For some of you ladies, that's no big deal. You are comfortable enough to wear those cute little tank tops or dresses that no matter what devil magic you have you just can't seem to hide your bra... so you go bra-less. Me, not so much. I am a 32DD, I am very small in stature (5'0) and all around a small human in general. 
This all started last week, I was at TJMaxx (sigh.. of course) & I was on the hunt for a Maxi Dress to wear now that it's warming up. What I found was this super cute yellow, floraley, strappy number & I fell in love. I tried it on and no matte which way I tried to stuff my bra (uncomfortably I might add) I couldn't hide it. But I friggen' loved that damn dress. So what did I do? Bought it. Duhh!
I got it home and it sat in my closet taunting me for a few days and today was finally the day; I had taken today off for the most part because my Memaw (mom's mom) was finishing her Chemo today & I was going to wear that damn dress. It was nice and sunny and warm today. That was it I made my mind up. Until I got in front of the mirror. Let me tell you it was nerve wracking. I was so self conscious. I didn't want anyone to be able to tell that I didn't have one on. I was nervous that my nipples would show. Or that my boobs weren't perky enough to "get away" with going without a bra.
I feel like there is a level of comfort a bra gives me even though they are uncomfortable as hell! But its a barrier between me and my insecurities. With a bra, my boobs look great, without I feel that they are just kind of blah. So I am challenging myself to buy more things that I can't wear a bra with and IMMEDIATELY take the tags off so I can't return it and go bra-less. I will tell you as the day went on I forgot that I didn't have one on, until it was time to change into my P.J's and it was one less article of clothing to take of. I was like "Oh! Hey there girls!" I wish I was more confident when it came to fashion to that extent. I want to get to a point where I can put anything on and love myself in it and feel great. So you may hear more about this little challenge I've given myself over the next few months as I make myself face this head on.
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my relationship with religion

11/12/2018

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​Well, Happy Easter! I thought today was better than any other day to talk about this. I may get some flack, hell, I may have some of you stop following me. But this proves to be another time to point out that this is my space & my thoughts. I want to talk about my relationship with religion. Touchy subject I know!
If you remember from my list of facts about me, I said that religion confuses me, and that is true; in part. But there is so much more. Religion isn't something that I rely on like many. It is something that exists within this world along side of me like the trees and animals, like you. It's just there, and so am I.
Religion is beautiful to me; the way it brings people together in one place from all across the world for the same reason. I'm not a religious person, but I do appreciate it and have respect for it as an entity. You might be wondering why, or you very well may not be that invested at this point. But I'll explain anyway. I grew up with the ability to choose. I decided if I wanted to go to church or not. During the Summer, I went to stay with my grandparents on my mom's side and they went to church most every Sunday- so I did too. But when Summer was over, so was church. Not that my parents wouldn't have taken me upon my request, there just wasn't one.
I have a very difficult time with the "story line" for lack of a better phrase that the Bible portrays. It's hard for me to wrap my head around the idea of a man being killed and coming back 3 days later, when I'm told that as a Christian you don't believe in ghosts. I know, I know, he wasn't a ghost- he was Jesus. He was alive. But if your friend died and you claimed that they came back from the dead a few days later, you would be thought to be crazy and no one would believe you. I do understand that he is a special person because he was... is God's son, but it doesn't negate the fact that it's a little super natural. *Insert Dean and Sam joke that I am too lazy to think of right now*
So this is usually the point where my family tells me that it takes "Faith". Yes, the clincher to all religion based discussions. Faith. I am allowed to not 100% be on board with Religion. It doesn't mean someone needs to "help" me, or prove me to be incorrect. I admire those who have the ability to faithfully believe. I welcome the idea of being wrong. I don't feel the need to be right about God or Jesus. I am open to hearing any and all sides to this discussion. Unfortunately however, 9 times out of 10- it is never a discussion. It's an argument, and that ladies and gentlemen is where I stop listening.
I am not sure if there is a "higher being" so to speak, but what I do believe in is Karma. I feel that you should walk this earth doing the right & kind thing. I feel that what you do here matters. It may not translate into an after-life in my mind, but like I said earlier; I welcome the idea of being wrong, and that doesn't mean that there isn't an after life for you. I believe in peace and balance. I feel that for every action there is a consequence. It may not be immediate, but it'll come.
Now that the idea of children is on the horizon for myself and my husband, the question of wheather we will join a church has come up. And the answer is simply put; No. I want my child to be educated in all religion. Not just Christianity. If they want to study Buddhism, go to Hebrew School, or decide that they do want to attend church every Sunday, that's fine. It's okay. If they decide that they are unsure of God as I am, I will not stifle their questions and if I don't have the answer, then we will find out. I want to create an environment for my child to be an open-minded self thinker.
I want to make sure that I drive this last point home. I by no means think that those who are religious are not open minded or self thinkers. I think the exact opposite. You made the decision to get up and serve your Lord. I have nothing but positive things to say and think of those of you who are on the other end of the spectrum than I. It's all about acceptance and balance.
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