Balance: [ˈbaləns] NOUN--an even distribution of weight enabling someone or something to remain upright and steady.

Remaining upright and steady... that can seem like the hardest task you'll ever have. Some days, if that is all you did, it was a successful day.  Hard days don't always last just 24 hours. They can quickly turn into hard weeks, and even months. Life is hard. We are told this when we are little, but we don't find out how hard it is until we are faced with choices that keep us up at night. 
Here's the thing- there is no way of knowing what the right choices are in life until you have made them. 

An even distribution of weight... know your limits. You know when you have been looking at your computer screen, text book, calendar, or whatever for too long. You also know when you've been scrolling through Tik Tok for too long. Keep that shit in check girl! You know you, you know you better than anyone else in this entire universe. Listen to your inner voice, she isn't stupid. It is okay to push yourself now and again, hell I encourage it! But, and this is a big but -> do not over do it every chance you get. You will get tired- it is okay to not be 100% every waking moment of every frickin' day. If you try to keep that up, eventually you lose your edge. Always remember though you can be your own worst enemy when it comes to self worth. Don't put your career on such a high pedestal that if you make a mistake or miss a deadline you think less of yourself. You are still the same amazing human that you were when you woke up this morning. Work hard for your money, but don't let it cloud your sight so much so that you can't see yourself any more. 

Give yourself the break you know deep down you need. That way when it is time to grind it out, you got this! You are allowed to have your fill of obligations.  Days where you don't get out of bed & watch TV all day happen, sometimes we need to reset ourselves, so that we can be better tomorrow. Here's the kicker... you have to be better tomorrow. Run with the wolves, take your nap, and above all else... never doubt yourself. ​

Wanting is part of being human. Wanting is part of living. We all want, we all yearn for more. Some may want wealth, others may beg for more time spent at home. A life without wants is a life that isn't moving forward and growing. We cannot help what we want, it's something that is deep within us. And we cannot apologize for the things we want when and if they do not fall in line with the expectations the world has set for us. We all will always want for more, or something newer, something different. 
You have the entire world at your finger tips, but that world is whatever you decide to make it. It could be to have another baby, go back to college, buy a bigger house. Whatever you want!
Life is about investing not just in those around you but in yourself as well. You cant pour from an empty cup, and fulfilling those wants and needs is all part of pouring into yourself. Who is stopping you from going after the things you want? The answer is you. The only person who has the ability to stop you in your tracks is yourself.
Now why self sabotage?  Is it fear? Are you afraid that you can't do it, or that you don't deserve it? Or is it "just not the right time"? 
We've all been there, when you have the option to do something "selfish" or what others would consider selfish and doing something for someone else (or nothing at all). We have all had to make those tough calls. It's just the way this world works... always full of tough decisions. 

So make those calls, take on those challenges and make the world yours! No one is stopping you. You are a force to be reckoned with and can accomplish anything your heart desires. You just have to go for it. You can't compare your path with the paths of others. Forge your own way and own it!

 & I wavered back and forth for a few weeks about posting this blog. I didn't know how "appropriate" it would be, or who would have an opinion. But obviously it's up and I decided to make it public. I've worked for a plastic surgeon for two years now, I've talked about it a few times on here and it's not something I'm shy about. I've talked about getting Botox and my opinions on things like that too. But this is a different kind of post. 

See, I've always struggled with my body image and I've always hated my breasts- ever since high school. I've always been "larger" and as all of you women will understand, and sympathize with; after been larger for so many years, gravity eventually became my enemy. If you asked my husband, he would tell you that I was perfect... I really am so lucky to have him in my corner. But it wasn't about that. I didn't feel perfect, hell most of the time I didn't want him to touch them. It was always a sensitive subject for me, and when you are 25 and you have such strong feelings about your body- it eats away at you after a while. I couldn't wear the cute sundresses like my girlfriends, I couldn't wear sexy lingerie or bikinis... they just sagged. Yeah, I said it... sagged. I felt the exact opposite of beautiful all the time. 

So I made a decision back in November that I wanted to get a boob job. I wanted pretty boobies- whatever that meant. So the exact explanation of what I had done was a Bilateral Breast Augmentation with 205 cc Low Profile Implants and a Bilateral Mastopexy. Essentially I had breast implants placed and a breast lift. I had my procedure late Thursday, January 30th. I stayed home that Friday and the following Monday from work and went back Tuesday. I am still healing and I've started the scar care. 

Guess what? I love them! They are the most beautiful things I have ever seen. It has given me so much self- confidence! I love my body again, everyday since the surgery I have shown my husband the healing progress I've made and it's an amazing feeling to not be ashamed of my body. I don't want to send the message that you have to surgically fix things that you don't like about your body, but what I am saying is that if you decide to that is okay. I am speaking my truth. This is probably the most personal thing I have ever posted about, and I wouldn't feel as empowered to do so if it wasn't for that decision. I am learning to fall back in love with me. 

Point being is that sometimes you are allowed to be vain & do things based on those feelings. As women we struggle with our appearance more than we let on. You never know someone's internal struggle and you should never compare yourself to someone else... we are all made differently and we are all handed a different deck of cards. We need to do a better job of lifting each other up. I hope that my message isn't lost in the shock value of this post. It isn't always easy to love yourself & we are all human- it is important to remember to show yourself grace, as well as do what you need to in this life to be content with you. I don't care if that means going to the gym more, going back to school, getting a boob job-- what ever it is that helps you get through this life happy and healthy; do it.